I’m not really sure what I hoped to achieve when I first found a coach. All I knew was that I was treading water and, at times, going under. I know now it was burnout. I felt paralysed by a constant gnawing in the pit of my stomach and a relentless internal voice, that churned out negativity. I earned a ‘decent’ amount in my senior management role, with over 200 staff and a budget of millions. I impressed myself. However, I also worked 7 days a week and well into the night.
The signs were there. I remember my husband commenting on my lack of presence. “Going through the motions”, is how he described it. Fake smiles, inward turmoil and crap sleep. After a while, I stopped trying to return to bed after my usual 4am wake up. In fact, I could plough through many emails and reports before the kids appeared at 6, and then be perfect mum. So efficient. I felt numb.
The weight piled on and my blood pressure was through the roof . The dopamine hit I got from sweet treats kept me going and made me feel good. Temporarily. Repeatedly.
I was in constant pain and so tired. It felt like I was on a rollercoaster that I couldn’t get off. I could hear the laughter and happy faces of those around me. Inside I was fading. After a second period of long-term sickness absence, I quit my job, too embarrassed with my inability to manage stress and anxiety. Two further short-lived jobs hit the dust. Solid opportunities with good people. I couldn’t deal with any level of pressure without crumbling. My resilience was shot.
In 2015, I found a group coaching course. I’d already tried a counsellor, medication, and dozens of self-help books. I knew enough to realise that the problem was internal, in my head. What I didn’t realise was that, so was the solution.
The group coaching was gentle and supportive. The biggest thing I learned was how to be kind to myself. A revelation. Until then, I felt like a massive failure. Constantly beating myself up – not successful enough, not rich enough, not thin enough. I managed to build enough resilience to keep a low pressure job, along side I re-trained. What I learned enabled me to recover from past trauma, remove limiting beliefs and create a clear vision for the future.
As a coach, hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner I now help others to do the same.
I now have:
– A clear mind and a life full of purpose and meaning
– Amazing kids who are nurtured and happy
– A close, loving relationship with my husband
– A secure life free of debt
– A career that gives me passion and purpose
– Great health with 7 stone weight loss
– The home, by the sea, I always wanted
– Happiness and pride in myself and the life I created
– A bright, successful future where I listen to my heart